suicide

Posted: March 20, 2013 in Uncategorized
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I contemplated on that at one point in time. What kept me was that I was planning it elaborately. I didn’t want to slash my wrists because I know how to do first aid when things become so messy. I also didn’t want to die painfully. So I thought of hanging myself but then thought, who’s gonna fix the mess when my stomach blows up? I thought of jumping in a bridge, but I know how to swim. So how about being run over by a truck? I have been run over by a jeep, a tricycle (twice), a habal habal, a trisikad, had five accidents with a motorcycle in my life, and so a truck would mean it should be really fast and in the exact place so I crossed that out of my list. Drinking poison, or alcohol. I crossed that out too because it feels painful in the throat all the way to the stomach. Slow death. Too slow. Guns? I don’t own one and it would be too expensive. Besides, there’s the gun ban.

In the midst of planning my death, I fell asleep.

There would be a point in life where we would be pushed to the wall. There would be a time when the bills pile up and then the situation seems hopeless. There would be times when our budget isn’t cooperating with us. Emergencies come in our lives and we can’t even run to people.

But suicide is not an option. It never is. never would be.

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