How to stay pure in courtship

Posted: December 9, 2014 in thought to ponder
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I think I am not really the guy suitable to talk about purity when it comes to courtship. My reason would be (a) I’m still single, which means (b) I’m still in the process of pursuing someone, which means (c) I’m not married. Courtship, Dating, and Marriage should be asked from those who are already married yet as a pastor, this is something we must discuss. As one who leads the youth, I think it is something I have to impose on myself as well as Paul told Timothy and Titus, “Be an example to the believers” (1 Tim. 4:12; Titus 2:7). Thankfully, our teacher discussed this topic as we were discussing the life of Joseph.

To stay pure in courtship, focus on loving God, not on your future mate.
It is easy to be distracted by having a list of characters we want in a woman (or a man, for you my dear female readers), It is easy to be lost with our emotions for the other person that we forget that our focus should be in loving God. That is why Jesus said…
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
(Matthew 22:37)
The command is simple, isn’t it? We are to love the Lord. Focus on loving Him. Put your energy, your time, your attention, your money in loving God. As one mentor aptly places it, “if you can spend an hour with someone, match that by how you spend time with God”.
To stay pure in courtship, focus on fearing God, not your peers.
Paul tells the church in Philippi to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil. 2:12). It is easy to be bothered that the rest of my peers are getting married (or is married), have kids, is calling for a wedding or being invited to attend a baptism or child dedication of their sons and daughters. Time is not really on our side in a sense when we compare ourselves with our peers. Whenever we come to a point of comparison, on what others are doing, or what others say about life, we tend to be pressured. So it is just right that Paul would remind us that we have to focus on fearing God. We can take God lightly, as a home buddy, since we call ourselves “friend of God” but even Abraham treated God with reverence. In the same way when we enter courtship, or when we are pursuing someone, instead of focusing on what our peers can say about our relationship, we should instead focus on fearing God. When we fear God, we tend to remove ourselves from the danger that comes from ruining our relationship with God. We would walk away from sin.
To stay pure in courtship, focus on serving God, not making money.
One of the dangers of being single and getting into a relationship, or those who are already in a relationship is to be so driven to succeed financially forgetting the reason why we are working. In looking for a spouse, we wanted someone who is at least financially stable that we forget that our main reason why we have the job is to glorify God. Jesus said…
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. (Luke 16:13)
It is ok to plan for the future. It is wise to save and build up funds for a rainy day. But when the focus is on the side of making money, and when it eats up all our time that we lose focus of what really counts, then it becomes a curse instead of a blessing. We should be focusing on serving God. It is indeed comforting to find someone who serves the Lord and knows how to handle finances.
I valued the three lessons we discussed in class. Actually, the application part would be much harder. There are books that can help us in dating, in courtship, in pursuing someone but we must not forget that God has already given us the Bible, we need to read it, it has better tips and advices, it helps us with life.
What other things can we do to stay pure in courtship? Leave a message or comment below. šŸ™‚


  1. Lyndille Mae says:

    Thanks for sharing, wonderful insights so far šŸ™‚

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